she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
