just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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