so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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