I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
