Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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