The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
