I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
