Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
