I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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