i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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