dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
do herpes really smell.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
