The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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