I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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