What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
