Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
