My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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