It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
