I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
