You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
