i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
