I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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