Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
