I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
