Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
this hospital has no fireball
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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