I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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