I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
