Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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