**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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