honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
