I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Someone came in the potted fern
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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