Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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