Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
