So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
