dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
