I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
