she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
