you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
