in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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