he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
