she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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