Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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