Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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