Barsexuality is the new black.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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