My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
