Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How does it feel to date your dad?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
