That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
