yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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