You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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