Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
