I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
