I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
