I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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