my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We left the knife in your bed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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