Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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